“(AUGUST, 2019) The experience of trauma is an extreme event that overwhelms the united defense mechanism. The fight, flight or freeze response arising from our instincts, naturally overrides ‘normal’ cognitive choices. This occurs in humans in the form of biological intellect inherited from an infinite number of survival strategies that preceded our own existence.

I can say from experience that while greater understanding of what happens to people who have experienced trauma and develop post traumatic issues that impact future interactions in relationships is becoming a more enlightened sphere of understanding. By no means has it been commonplace for victims of violence and trauma to receive the therapeutic support or emotional resources they require to restore to the healthy interactions in relationships that were enjoyed pre-trauma.

Trauma involving violence had for years reshaped the reactions that I had almost no control over. The emotional reaction of anger towards others or impatience followed by judgement that was being triggered, was often disproportionate linked to the most insignificant perceived threat. I had never considered prior to finding and working with Marcus Nicholson that trauma could in the freeze survival response lead to trapped residual energy from the two preceding instincts of survival, fight and flight. I was not aware that an undischarged residual energy for fight when thwarted by an immobility response erupts into rage, while the thwarted flight energy gives way to helplessness. These emotions become imprisoned in trauma victims defense mechanism locked by the memory of the trauma. I knew something was acting like a block reactivating the trapped emotions of rage and helplessness in response to future perceived threats all I knew was it was something in me as I was being criticised for this and I later took on owning the shame from that blame. This is experienced post-trauma, something during the original overwhelming of our united defense mechanism deactivates the normal down-regulating cognitive signals from the part of our brain that has evolved to make us seemingly more rational than I was able to be, I had been told that given time I would restore myself to how I was before, the treatment was antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication in the immediate aftermath of experiencing trauma. The disproportionate reactivity had without question ended relationships and cut short career opportunities in the twenty or so years that followed. By the age of 46 I was facing heartbreak from my third serious relationship, isolating myself from others had seemed like the logical method to limit the consequences as I saw it moving forwards.

Marcus Nicholson is a psychology practitioner that I discovered at this stage of my journey. Something in me knew there was more to my existence than this. I found a fellow human being with the compassion that matched my own and this helped me reset compassion from outward to inward. Marcus understands trauma and the methods needed to help patients who are ready to release the trapped memory of trauma that makes life feel like it is sabotaged, which it effectively is. By unlocking the synapses that have stored the trapped emotions in my case rage and powerlessness that resulted from violence that I instinctually froze to dropping to the ground immobilised unable to even call out for help. I had been outnumbered and attacked from behind by a group of men and women who had been out of my field of view under an archway in the shadow of a flight of steps as I walked home from work. The assault happened so quickly I did not manage to outrun or escape my attackers. The police and Cabinet Minister Rt Hon Chris Smith MP regarded it as a horrific homophobic
assault that occured in Islington in 1998. My injuries were, fractured bones in my skull the lower mandible was torn from the jaw socket and needed metal plates to fixate it in the emergency surgery I had undergone hours after they had stopped kicking my head then running from the scene, this had all happened yards from my front door the same front door I had to open after being discharged from hospital with a prescription for high strength painkillers and the sense that somehow I had to go back to the way I was before I felt so terrified. I was awarded Criminal Injuries Compensation months down the line, but the attack resulted in the breakdown of my relationship at the time, a period of homelessness and a longer spell off work and the later dismissal from employment due to behaviour patterns that had become my coping mechanism. The cost of trauma can be a high price, if you have experienced anything like this you will understand. The lasting harm is more slow release and that comes from the rejections that follow the disproportionate reactivity, it is highly likely you will be feeling misunderstood. I feel it was destiny that out of this pain, life gave me my introduction to Marcus. He gave me his undivided attention and unconditional acceptance which I needed as my own benchmark to begin accepting what was inside me. His confidence with trauma release alongside the transformation I was undergoing at this stage of my life gave me the detachment from a past that was plaguing me. I found myself to a place where I was able to let go. Marcus was exactly the support and guidance that I needed, I found faith to find and approach my deepest fears and develop the self-compassion to accept them with the loving kindness that exists at the root of my being.

Today I have freedom that was not there before April of this year 2019. I feel fortunate and I know inside my gratitude to life, and people like Marcus Nicholson in my life will be surplus to his requirements. If you or someone you know is suffering or showing signs of isolation from others and may have experienced earlier trauma that has led them to this unfortunate position, it is my wish that you make your presence known to Marcus and begin telling him your story. Nothing is more rewarding than rediscovering that you are in fact unbroken and perfect just as you are and have always been.”

“I am ever so grateful to Marcus for teaching me how to change my negative thought patterns. My life has completely changed for the better!.”

“We found Marcus caring, empathic, gentle and understanding. His quiet, soothing, open manner made us feel safe and able to disclose. He has a wonderful presence. Now both our families know who we really are! Thank-you so much!”

“Marcus took me through some emotions I have been avoiding all my life. Thanks to him, I am now back to being a fully functioning human being. I now live a new trans life, full of pride. Thanks!”

“Marcus asked me to revisit a past childhood trauma. I agreed, and he held me in a safe space for me to finally deal with it. My stomach no longer hurts, and my headaches have lessened. I now have a partner who I can trust. Thank you.”

“When Marcus said that new positive thought patterns have a good effect in other areas, I did not believe him. He was right!”

“Marcus taught me to stop hating myself.”

“Marcus is a true guardian of light. He has transformed my scattered energy into one of focus with purpose. I now have a successful career in helping those with sexuality issues.”